Monday's Poem

After the Rain

Your Smile,
with the spectacular softness
of a rainbow,
makes me
laugh and wish I were
the sky.

--Paul B Janeczko

Perfect Man and Woman

I saw this on Lynda's Blog and thought it was pretty funny.

I think I'll pass it on. It's a little animation called The Perfect Man and Woman.

Onions

Two days ago, my friends. Two days! I made a little Carribbean rice dish with some onions in it. Okay...a whole yellow onion chopped up and a big bunch (is that what they're called?) of green onions (and cilantro, too. Yum). But it's been two whole days and I still reek. I knew it was a problem Thursday night when I went to a Relief Society meeting and my friend Becky, who was sitting by me, left early! (Well, maybe she had somewhere else to go, but I doubt it!) In the shower it smells like I'm shampooing with onion, and even now my keyboard is being infused with it because my fingertips are dripping with onionness. I know in the book Holes, onions are all great for you, but I've seriously got to rethink my onion policy if I'm planning to continue on living in civilization!

In other news, my new ebay digital camera is a bust! I should have known you can't get what you want when you pay only $40 for it! Dang.

We went to a ward Halloween party yesterday, and Ty was the cutest little clown there! But I'll have to wait until I get the pics back from the photo lab before I can post them. Bummer.

BYU beat Air Force today. Way to go Cougs!!

Thursday Thirteen #7

Thirteen Things I Would Do if I Won Deal or No Deal Although it’s mostly annoying, sometimes I can’t help but watch Deal or no Deal for a few minutes, at least. So here’s what I would do if my suitcase held the million dollars and I didn’t accept a deal from the banker. 1. Tithing. 2. Save some for a nice, but not overboard house. 3. Take whole extended family on a cruise. 4. Buy a boat. 5. Save for children’s educations and missions. 6. Travel the U.S.A. 7. Research charities and give to one I really believe in. 8. Hire a cleaner to come in once a week. 9. Probably revisit the fertility doctor and try more options. 10. Fly instead of drive home to Oregon. 11. Give back to BYU. 12. Buy a Subaru or maybe a Pacifica. 13. Save, save, save!

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Monday's Poem

Collard Lake at Dawn (Florence, OR)


Dawn breaking as I woke,
With the white sweat of the dew
On the green, new grass
I walked in the cold, quiet as
If it were the world beginning;
Peeling and eating a chilled tangerine.
I may have many sorrows,
Dawn is not one of them.

--Derek Walcott

Birthday Boy

We celebrated Ty's 2nd birthday this week and it was a lot of fun. He had a little party with his best friend/cousin Spencer.

Here they are on the froggy at the little playland.

My first attempt at cake decorating. Very amateurish, I know, but Ty loved it. He kept talking about his "Elmo Take."

His first trike. He can't quite ride it yet, but he sure loves to climb up and down on it.

Fall Pics Finally!

Well, since I couldn't download our pics directly from the camera to the computer, I broke down and took the media card to a kiosk and made a CD. What a pain. Our camera has been on the fritz for months--I finally just bought a new one yesterday on ebay.

This is the cutest one of him actually looking at the camera, I think.

Ty and his daddy.

"Hold on, Mom and Dad. Just...gotta...zip...this...up."

If you're happy and you know it...

Thursday Thirteen #6

Thirteen Things that Stink about Having a Sick Child 1. Worrying that although he always has high fevers, that this 104.7 degree fever is different than the others. 2. Doctor telling you to just wait it out. 3. The constant whining. 4. Forgetting when you gave him medicine last. 5. Being totally homebound. 6. Missing your normal, cute, happy child. 7. Not being able to take him to nursery. 8. Wasting food because he won't eat anything. 9. Snot! 10. Puke! 11. Diarrhea! 12. Waking up every 20-30 minutes. 13. "Negotiating" with your spouse about whose turn it is to get up. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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Real Mom

So where’s his real mom? you ask me oh-so-sweetly.
Oh, do you mean his birth mom? I reply, matching your sugary tone.

Inside I cringe.

Where’s the one who
Dries his tears?
Cleans his messes?
Rocks him to sleep?
Comforts him when he’s sick?
Cries when he's in pain?
Encourages him to go for it?
Makes his PBJ sandwich with no crusts?
Teaches him his ABC’s?
Changes his diapers?
Reads the same book over and over?
Laughs at his cute little jokes?
Loves him unconditionally?

Where is his real mom?

Lady, you’re looking right at her.

Stop the Clock

He’ll be two in two days and I want to

stop the clock. Sure, there are moments when he’s

not so cute: saying "owie, owie!" and crying at the slightest

bump; pressing the buttons on the DVD player so it takes

an hour to set it up right again; pushing away any and all

food we put on his plate; crying out for his binkie at

three-thirty in the morning. But I’d take all that a

thousand times over if I could just keep the way

he loves to snuggle at night; his cute,

"Love you, Mommy" right before I turn out the light;

the constant "I did it!" thrill after accomplishing any

task; the way he loves to "help" us do dishes, take out the

garbage, make the bed, sweep the floor (okay, this could

sometimes be in the annoying column); his fascination with

all lights on or off; his love of hide-and-seek:

"Where’s Ty? Here I am!";

the joy he finds in little things, "jump!jump!jump!".

Oh I know there will be moments of pride and joy in the future:

choosing to be kind to a new kid at school; sacking the

quarterback in a football game; cooking his first dinner for the

family; earning an A in a really tough class. But I wonder if

those moments will bring with them a little ache in my heart

for the little boy–so sweet and innocent–that he is right at

this moment. There will come a day when he doesn’t sing with

gusto at his Barney cartoon; when he doesn’t run to Mommy

and ask me to kiss his foot that he just hurt. He will

probably be embarrassed by me at some point, and

wish I wasn’t his mom. And that’s okay.

But for now, I want to hold on to this moment

in time where his daddy and I are his whole world.

He’ll be two in two days and I want to

stop the clock.

Monday's Poem

The City

If flowers want to grow
right out of the concrete sidewalk cracks
I'm going to bend down to smell them.

-David Ignatow

No New Pics

What's worse than trying to get cute fall pictures up in the canyons with a boy who's sick and not had his nap?

Trying to get cute fall pictures up in the canyons with a boy who's sick and not had his nap and then getting home and realizing that the camera is broken and will not download said pictures!!! (This same little boy already broke the nice zoom lens from our other camera) We have no more working cameras!

JCPenney, here we come! We tried!

Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen Smells I Love 1. Hyacinths. (The first smell of spring. Aaaahhh) 2. Just after a summer rain. 3. Mom's beef stroganoff in the crock pot. (One sniff of that and all's right with the world) 4. Chlorine. (Think swimming pools, not Clorox) 5. Lemon Dishwasher Detergent. (I love to smell this one so much, one time I accidently snorted it up my nose. It burned. I wouldn't advise doing that.) 6. Mom's Chanel #5. (I would never wear it myself, but everytime I go to a mall, I smell it and think of her) 7. Luv's Diapers. (clean, of course!!!) 8. A new box of Crayola Crayons. 9. Chocolate chip cookies baking. 10. A newly opened can of Tennis Balls. 11. Salty Ocean Breezes. 12. Noxema. (I love this stuff! Maybe because it used to soothe my sunburns) 13. Cilantro. (I would put cilantro on just about anything if I could!)

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Monday's Poem

I was looking through my files and there are so many poems that I love, I thought I would share one every Monday. One of my favorite poets is Carol Lynn Pearson. She puts into beautiful words what I often feel. Here she writes about adoption:

ON PURPOSE

The little girl unfrowned and then
Sort of smiled when
After hearing the dictionary definition

She was told that what adopted
Really meant was

Searched for
Prayed for
Worked for
Finally gratefully got
Unquestionably on purpose
And loved a lot.

Patience Really Is a Virtue

It seems like our life has been on hold for a while. Waiting for this, waiting for that...as I've struggled to figure out why Heavenly Father continues to teach us this lesson over and over again,(we thought we had it down with the infertility thing--Haa! There was so much more to come, and probably still more!)I've found peace in really trying to have faith in God's plan for us. At our church's General Conference, there was a talk on patience that I felt was written just for me.

Elder Robert C. Oaks said, "Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgivenss, tolerance, and faith." I totally get this. For years in my health class I taught kids about the gateway drugs: alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana. I get the concept. I believe in the concept. The more patience I can have, the more forgiveness, tolerance, and faith I will have--the more charity I will have, thus, the more Christlike I will be. I like this. It's something I can really work on that's manageable, but will have great consequences.

My impatience draws me away from the Lord. Elder Oaks went on: "Elder Neal A. Maxwell linked patience and faith together when he taught: "Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His." I really shouldn't even pretend that I know better than God. He knows me better than I know myself, and He loves me, so I will trust in him and His plan, even though I don't understand everything right now.

I'm choosing to be happy in the moment. Where I am right at this time. I can live with not knowing. Look at all I have to be thankful for in this picture alone!

Thursday Thirteen #4

Thirteen Things I Want to Start Doing Again 1. Play volleyball on a city league team. I used to play all the time in high school and college. What stops me from doing this is finding a team to play on. I should just ask the city if there's a team that needs another player. 2. Read my Scriptures Regularly. My scripture reading has gone way downhill since Ty was born, and I really don't have a good excuse. I could be reading instead of writing right now. 3. Write up Family Stories. I started this project, but haven't put much effort into it lately. 4. Sing in a Good Choir. Again, here's one I did a lot of in high school and college, but miss as regular adult citizen. There've got to be community-type choirs out there, right? 5. Go back to School for a Degree in Social Work. My passion is adoption and I would love to be a part-time adoption/birth parent worker. 6. Invite people we don't know that well for Dinner. We used to do this all the time when we lived in Provo. 7. Workout Regularly. Tyler screams bloody murder every time I take him to the Gold's Gym daycare. But I could go at night when Brad gets home. Morning before Brad goes to work is NOT an option. 8. Play more games. I love card games and board games. We should play more. 9. Write in my Journal more often. Although this one is kind of done if I print out my blog entries. 10. Keep in better contact with old friends. Because they're such old, dear friends, sometimes I don't work as hard at keeping in touch with them because I know they'll always be there. Shame on me. 11. Paint with Watercolors. I used to love doing this, but living in apartments has halted it. I need a room where I can just keep all my creative stuff out if I want to. 12. Travel more. Between me quitting my job (less money) and Brad getting newly hired (less time-off), and having a baby, we really haven't travelled like we used to. Hopefully that will change. We've opened a vacation savings account and have plans for a Florida vacation in 2007. 13. Go to Enrichment Night. This is a night at my church where the ladies get together to do various activities. It really is a great way to get to know people, but my social anxiety pops up and I usually end up not going.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Death, Leaves and Rain

So Ty and I go to meet my grandma (in town for conference) and Mom at my great-aunt's house today. We're going to go out to lunch. I thought they said noon, but it turns out they said 12:30, so we're quite early. It's at a retirement residence, and I think of just going up and visiting with my aunt, but I'm not sure which apartment is hers, so Ty and I just wait outside on the nice swing they have.

I've met this aunt before--she's 96--but it's been a few years and I'm actually looking forward to getting to know her better. (She's really my Grandpa's cousin whom we just call "aunt") Anyway, Mom and Grandma finally come and Ty is so excited to see them. We make our way to Auntie's door, but there's no answer. Her paper is still by the door. Grandma mentions that she didn't answer the phone when she called earlier. We try the knob. It turns. We call out her name. No answer. Could she have gone down to the cafeteria for lunch? Grandma goes inside and a second later calls out to my mom, "She's still in bed! Could she be dead?" My mom, an experienced RN goes in to take her pulse. I take Ty out in the hall. Mom comes out, and nods--she's gone.

Hmmm...it's a bit unsettling. My first thought is my son--although he doesn't understand this, he doesn't need to be around it, and we don't need to be in the way. And since we're obviously not going out to lunch now, I say that Ty and I will leave. I look at my Grandma. My 91 year-old Grandma, who says repeatedly to us not to shed a tear when she goes because she's the happy one, is shedding a tear to herself. I hug her and my mom goes to find the administrator. I'm sad I didn't get to know this lady more before she passed.

Later on in the day, Brad and I dress Ty up and head toward the mountains. The fall leaves are PERFECT right now, and since Ty's b-day is in a couple weeks, we think we'll try to take his 2-year old pictures on our own in the beauty of the leaves rather than hassle at JCPenney again. Oh, it is gorgeous!!! We get a couple of pics and then the rain comes pouring down!!!! It was clear the whole way up, but it has to start right when we start! Oh well...we'll see how they turn out. We drive toward the sunny part of the valley and find a little park with an old pioneer cabin that's pretty cute. We take some picks there. Little kiddo isn't the best smiler in the world for the camera, so we'll see. We may end up at JCPenney in a week or two!