It's good in a way, I guess. At least I know I'm not a stone-cold human being without feelings. But seriously, is there any way to control it? It's really embarrassing. I hate being the only one crying all the time!
Just take the last few days as a typical example:
- Driving home from San Antonio, I'm alone because we took two cars, and Brad has Ty with him. I put in my CDs and cry basically the whole time because I'm so grateful for my life and my two boys, and the Temple, and my family, and sad that I'm away from them, but happy that I know the Lord has a plan for us, blah, blah, blah.
- At a thrift store, Ty talks to a lady all cute, and she says, "He'll grow up so fast," and I blurt out, "I know!" and start bawling all over because he is growing up so fast!
- Football game--so proud of the players for working so hard. It reminds me of my joy in playing sports, and the fun I had. I cry at the end of another game as a player makes a winning field goal--I'm so happy for him for playing through the pressure!
- Just thinking--I didn't even hear it this time, I just thought about it--about that Tim McGraw song, "If you're readin' this, with my Momma sittin' there, it looks like I only got a one-way ticket outta here..." all about a man who doesn't come home from the war. This one was late at night. I had to go wake up Brad and just hug and kiss him because he was alive.
- Primary program--the whole thing--I never make it through a primary program! I can't even sub in primary without just bawling. Kids singing and bearing testimony gets me every time!
- Gospel Doctrine, Relief Society. I can never make it out of church.
- Getting Ty's birthmom's wedding announcement--so happy for her, so thankful for her decision to place Ty with us.
- Reading Sue's post.
- Reading Emily's post.
- Ty playing the message my mom left on the machine for him for his birthday over and over again and the sheer joy on his face, and me thinking about how he used to be so close to his grandparents, and how we've taken him away from them. Waaahhhhhhh.
Those are just the examples I could think of right now. I'm sure there were more tearfests that I just don't recall because they are so commonplace. When I'm alone I really don't mind it; a good cry feels good. But Ty has started noticing, and asks me why I'm sad. How do I explain that it's a good cry? Does anyone else struggle with this? Any tips on controlling it?